Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Sometimes it gets the best of me.

Sometimes that old sadness descends from the furthest corner of the room and swaths me in beleaguering heaviness. Some days I've had the good sense to pad myself with enough good thoughts and good moments that I can insulate myself from the cold. Other times I spend hours shivering like last year's leaf still clinging to a dormant branch in March, a leaf that should have dropped in November.

I consciously steer my thoughts away from meandering down the "what would have been" path. Like a shock from an electric fence, I stick to the pasture of reality, grateful for the good, quick to dismiss the pain remembered, reserving it for a good cry later. Because the truth is, whether I agree, like it or not, this was His plan all along. This is how it would turn out despite our efforts to the contrary.

As frustrating and preposterous as this is for my pea brain to understand, I'm trying to find comfort in not knowing and not having to know.  Sometimes that means suspending my incessant analysis, my constant desire to learn from circumstances, which I happen to think are good qualities.  Sometimes that means I must make peace with walking blind. And ... to find comfort in the meanwhile.

So meanwhile ... as we live the days that draw closer to the anniversary of Kyrie's heavenly homecoming, there are, indeed, good seeds and deeds emerging from once frozen ground. You wouldn't believe all the tiny ideas and "what if" e-mails that have accomplished so much for this work that we are all pursuing here. For example, this scrapbooking crop. Do you know how many do-good donors come together to make this day happen? It's amazing! The food, the beverages, the venue, the vendors, the organizers, the goodie bags, the prizes, the special extras, the printing, the transportation to converge all of these items, the word of mouth, the registration ability, the t-shirt printing, the set-up, the clean-up, the special guests—all little "yeses," little miracles that bond together to form an amazing event, like a swarm of butterflies lofting on a breeze that began somewhere near the coast of Bali.

And this is just one collection of goodness. You wouldn't believe what else is on the horizon.

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