Thursday, April 5, 2007

Home.

Dr. Rosen came to Kyrie's bedside this morning in PICU. He gently said that the chemo that they gave Kyrie was this best and biggest to treat this tumor. There are other chemo treatments out there, which Jordan and Lacie are welcome to try, but they would most likely make the inevitable worse. The brain tumor has grown into the majority of those valleys and crevices of Kyrie's little brain, pushing and consuming. The best option is the hardest.

She's down to 17 pounds. She hasn't opened her eyes, but she can hear you. She moves her right arm up and down a lot, always holding That. Sometimes she shakes her head "no, no, no," a little mumbling. She cried out as Jordan and Lacie got her dressed to go home. Her facial muscles can't tell you anything, but I think she's uncomfortable.

Hospice is coming in this afternoon. They'll administer the morphine. Jordan and Lacie are experts now at doing everything else.

Dr. Rosen said that once Kyrie is home, it isn't a matter of months or weeks; it's a matter of days. Evil is so damn fast.

So, I'm at a loss to accurately describe any of this for you. A dozen adults sobbing around a long, tiny body whose arm moves up and down holding a blanket. She just got here and now we have to figure out how to say goodbye. It isn't fair. It isn't right, and right now I really think His plan stinks.

Jordan and Lacie are great parents. I mean FANTASTIC. Never, ever have I heard them complain about getting up in the middle of the night with a baby. Never did they whine about diapers or making bottles or toys all over the house or the expenses or crusties in her nose or staying at home instead of going out or anything. They cherished the moment. They were grateful. They shared. And when she got sick, they stepped up to the plate. They comforted, they questioned the doctors, they rallied, they learned to give the injections, clean the line, give her IV food, watch her vitals, everything.

And to watch them even today, they are beside her, talking to her, crying, loving. And the rest of us are beside them all, talking to them, crying, loving.

Nothing makes sense right now. How many times does God have to hear Lacie cry, "I don't understand."? You love God. God gives you pain, and in the end, you're supposed to love Him for it. What? Where's the positive reinforcement? And why would He do this to people who already believe, love and follow Him? And I know that "We aren't meant to understand His will," but why would He make pain like this a riddle, a game? And why isn't His will doled out fairly?

I dunno. I wish I could console them, myself and you. I'd gladly exchange the prayers for peace, comfort, continued faith and sustainment simply for healing.

Please stay with us. The next several days are going to be a heavy load.

20 comments:

Christy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christy said...

Megan, Jordan, Lacie, Kryie...to all of your family...I don't even know what to say, just know that I am crying with you, for you & praying for all of you, constantly!
Love~
Matt, Christy, Jayce & Audrey Freeman

Jenni Halley said...

May peace abound in your hearts as you focus on the promise given to us all on that first Easter, the promise for eternal life. We can not comprehend what God's plan is, and I agree that it stinks right now. I am so sorry for your pain, and I pray that you find comfort in the moments with Kyrie today, and as long as you have her. No words can take away your pain, but know that you are close in thought and prayer.
Jenni Halley

godsgirl said...

I like so many others are at a loss for words.I try to read these post to others and I cannot even do that without crying.You all are such a blessing to each of us and I pray right now for the strength that you will need to get through this.Remember to never take your eyes off God.He is your strength right now.God bless each of you.Debbie Schneider

lisamom3 said...

This pain is unbearable, I know. If it gives you any comfort, hearing about this makes parents appreciate their kids. It makes them hug and kiss them just because. The way Jordan and Lacie have handled this is a true inspiration. They are working toward sainthood, and going what they are going through without complaining is making them acheive that goal. When the world seems to be filled with selfish individuals, people like Lacie and Jordan give us hope and inspiration.
Love and Prayers,
Lisa Wright

Melissa said...

I have no magic words of encouragement. None of us know why this is happening...and none of us as hard as we try to understand can fathom a thought of the pain you are now going through. But God is always there, always the same, He doesn't change. He is here for you today, tomorrow and forever. He wished none of this for you, He didn't make this happen to you, and He will carry you through it.
Be mad, question it, that's what we do...but know in your heart that God is never going to leave your side...He's holding all of you.
I, as everyone else, weep with you. You all are constantly on my mind, in my heart and I'm crying out to God on your behalf. My prayer will be especially for baby Kyrie to feel no pain...God, please just don't let her hurt.
I love you all...
Melissa

ksfaith said...

My heart aches for you all right now - your right - it seems unfair and so hard to comprehend. We continue to pray for Kyrie's little body. Lacie, Jordan, Megan, Nana (and the rest of your family) we pray that God will give you the strenth you need to endure this suffering and that you will feel the comfort only He can offer. Keep running to Him - He desires to hold you in His arms. We have a lot of friends and family
in the K.C. area praying for you all.
"Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Love,
Dave and Kristi Swob

Eric said...

Jordan and Lacie, I'm unable to perceive just what you're going through, but I've had my times where I've questioned why this happens if God is supposed to bless us, then why all the pain? This is a verse that's helped me, and I pray it will help you.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Fringe Girls said...

I'm not sure what to say, Kyrie, Lacie, and Jordan You have been in my thoughts and my prayers since this all started. I'm so sorry for you pain. You two have been remarkable parents to that little princess I will continue to pray for comfort and strength during this difficult time.
Love,
Becky Underwood

DeeAnn said...

Lacie, Jordan, Jan, and most of all Kyrie, we are so sorry and I just don't even have the words to express our grief. We pray that Kyrie is not in pain and also question "Why, this beautiful little baby girl?" I guess God has a plan for her. That is the only explanation that I can come up with. Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with Kyrie and her entire family.
Steve & Dee Ann Walter

Annie said...

Megan, Jordan, Lacie and Kyrie...I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. We feel for your whole family and can't begin to imagine the pain you are all going through. We will continue to pray for a miracle as you bring Kyrie home this Easter weekend. We love you guys!
Blessings,
Rod, Annie, Katelyn & Blake Lampe

Keith & Jamie Tjaden said...

I cannot express in words what I am feeling for you. All I know is I am constantly checking the blog and all I can do is cry for your pain. I am so sorry for your heartache. And you are in my mind and prayers endlessly.....

Keith & Jamie

Andrea Holt/Friend said...

While there is nothing that can take away the pain caused by this horrific event, I hope that some day Jordan, Lacie, and the family can take comfort knowing that Kyrie has touched so many lives in a very powerful way. My heart grieves for you all. May peace find you soon. Andrea Holt/Friend

Cinico said...

My prayers are with your family.

Debbie said...

Yes, today was a very difficult day. We hurt so much, because we see you hurt, and we love you all so very much! We pray for a continued strength and comfort. We still expect a miracle! It's not over yet. God is a good God...He is for us, not against us. I know you guys believe that, but I also know it doesn't make the pain go away. In times of our greatest pain, that's when He carries us. I know right now, you would only see one set of footprints, because he has you all in His arms.
Much love and faith--Boone & Debbie

Jill Finney said...

Jordan, Lacie, Megan and family,
Our prayers are with you all. There are no words to express the sadness this brings. You are all in our thoughts and prayers. Kyrie is such a precious little angel, and she is loved by so many.

God has not promised
skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
all our lives through;
God has not promised
sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
peace without pain.

But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labor,
light for the way.
Grace for the trials,
help from above,
Unfailing sympathy
undying love...

We love you all
Wade and Jill Finney

jenny said...

Lacie and Jordan,

I just wanted you to know I have been praying for Kyrie and your family. God works in ways we may never understand. You have to trust he has a plan for your precious Angel Kyrie.

Jenny - Fringe Salon

Ashlee said...

I've been trying to think of words all day to express the sorrow I feel for baby Kyrie and her family. Just know that there are so many people crying with you and praying for you.
Bill, Ashlee, and Lauren

Katie said...

I am heartbroken over what you are going through.
Please know that people everywhere are praying for you and your family.

Katie

Karis Morrow said...

Words seem so small right now but I have been trying for two days to send you a note. Please know that little Kyrie has touched many more lives than you will ever know, from all over the country and beyond. She is a beautiful little angel and you can be proud of how you love her. You must find strength in the Lord, though it is hard right now and you doubt His ways. As we said our prayers last night I shared with Zeke that Kyrie was really sick and that we needed to pray extra hard so she wouldn't hurt anymore. As we lay in the dark with me crying next to him he said, "Mommy, it will be okay. Kyrie will get better." In his misunderstanding of the situation I find wisdom. She will not only get better, she will get the BEST! This earth is merely a stop along our journey to heaven and Kyrie will be celebrating there long before you and I will get to join her. I know from experience that this idea is not very comforting in the beginning, but it becomes comfort in time.
Hugs from hundreds of miles away,
Karis, Adam & Zeke Morrow